George Allen Miller One Geek's take on all things SciFi

This is a late in coming post. I have been busy doing other things. And, I know, no one really comes to this blog that often so who cares. Why do I keep it up? I’m horny for writing, what can I tell you.

Anyway, this summer Torchwood moved to Starz, added a ton of money to the budget, brought in some big name actors, and apparently, hired all the writers from Tremors the series.

What I mean to say here is the show sucked. It was really terrible. They, the writers, producers or perhaps management at Starz, took a great show with a great concept and took a big shit on it.

Ok, so I know you can’t make statements like that without backing it up, so here goes.

1. They made Torchwood some kind of outcasts. Yes, this worked fine in Children of Earth but really, you can’t keep going to that well. Torchwood operated with Government approval for hundreds of years. Jack had contacts in every government on Earth. Why do they keep making them outcasts? Dumb. The show worked just fine, and excelled, by being the “Men in Black”, or WWII trench coats. Lets go back to our roots here and give them some legitimacy.
2. If there was some major crime lord syndicate with people in every government everywhere, how the fuck had they never found Jack before? He wasn’t exactly hiding, he was in charge of Torchwood! They, the families, had people everywhere, just don’t believe they wouldn’t have heard of him. Especially since they were looking for him.
3. Null change thing was just stupid. Why add some alien tech that really has no bearing on anything? Don’t just throw out something that’s stupid for no reason.
4. Bill Pullman’s character was a waste of talent. In the end, he was nothing, he was nobody, didn’t matter if he was there or not. Dumb. Why not make him the reason the Miracle happened? Make him the central cause. Get inventive. Instead, you waste Pullman’s abilities, sideline him to be some bullshit character who doesn’t contribute at all. Lousy job.
5. How the fuck did Jack not know there was some massive crack in the Earth going from one end to the other? He’s from the future! And not just a few years, like thousands of years! You’re telling me that in 5,000 years no one knows about this crack in the earth? Computers can’t tell that people living in two towns on the planet are the exact median age of the race? The families did it just now, that’s how they found it!  Stupid, unimaginative, hack job, plain ole dumb. Get some good writers will ya??
6. What exactly is this big giant crack? It’s really terrible if you make up some story and then can’t even figure out how to explain it. Really really bad. In both Dr. Who and Torchwood, everything got an explanation. We didn’t get left out in the cold with, “OH, don’t worry about what it was, we had Bill Pullman!” bullshit. Terrible. Explain this shit because frankly, we, the fans, are smarter than you. And this just doesn’t make any sense that some big hole in the earth influences poeple’s ages. What happens when people leave the planet? Establish a galactic empire, which we know we will as told in Dr. Who. What happens then? Are we still bound to this crack in Earth? Guess what, you, the writers of this shit, have no idea, so don’t bother trying.
7. Jack is not immortal. He is a fact. Jack’s blood does nothing. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Did you not see how Jack was turned into a “fact”??? He was turned into a fact when Rose became one with the time stream and made him so. A fucking Time Lord is scared of him!! That means he can’t die. Not ever. Don’t give a shit if you have one planet with a big hole. He is a fact in the universe. Don’t contradictyourselves here.  This is perhaps the biggest issue I have. You made Jack immortal. He’s not immortal, he’s a fact. Get it right and understand the difference. If you throw an “immortal” into a furnace and burn them alive, they will be dead. Jack will not be dead, he will come back. Because he’s a fact.
8. Mekhi Phifer, though an excellent addition to the cast, becomes a fact like Jack. Excuse me? What the fuck? Jack was made a fact by the time stream. Therefore, only the time stream can make someone a fact. Right? Again, you don’t explain this shit, which means you don’t know what you were doing, you just think its neat to have two Jacks. Dumb.

So that’s it. Eight reasons why this season was terrible. Please get some new writers, explain away all this bullshit, make the show good again. One more season of this bullshit and fans will abandon you.